asking for forgiveness on Yom Kippur

Before we start the fast on Yom Kippur we go around wishing each other a happy new year and asking others to forgive our sins. I was told that if you ask someone for forgiveness and you get a ‘no’ in return three times then you are forgiven anyway. Somehow I found that to be fundamentally wrong. I don’t know if it’s true, but I do not wish to ask for a second and third time, not out of pride but out of fairness.

So when I did get a ‘no’ for an answer (namely I was told to list the sins for consideration), I started thinking what does it really mean to ask others for forgiveness on Yom Kippur? I am no Hebrew scholar, but this is what I came to.

Before we begin to ask HASHEM for forgiveness, we ask mere mortals to forgive us. It is impossible for us to understand what is sinful and to judge others or ourselves. Often we will confuse pain caused to us for sins, whereas it is your pride, greed, hatred, or jealousy that caused that pain that need to be forgiven. By asking others to forgive us we do not really gain pardon, but we prepare ourselves to ask HASHEM for mercy. We begin to cleanse ourselves; by asking others to forgive us we facilitate our own forgiving of others; we rid ourselves of negative emotions, of hatred and spitefulness. We admit that we have sinned, whether we wanted to or no. It may be a selfish act to ask others for forgiveness, but then forgiving is selfish too. We purify our mind, purge our thought of negativity and come to the temple ready for bigger concerns. Then we start the fast and prayer ready to be asking those questions of HASHEM for ourselves and for the whole nation of Israel.